Ep 16 - Updating Your Space Through Grief: Featuring Michelle Fortik- Part 2

 

Today I'm bringing you the second half of my conversation with Michelle Fortik. If you haven't tuned into the episode last week where we started this conversation, I wanna invite you to pause, go ahead and go back to last week so you can hear part one. It'll really make way more sense if you start there. but We're talking about Michelle's garage transformation, and I'm just gonna go ahead and jump on in.

You can listen right here, on Apple Podcasts, or you can read the transcription below. Enjoy!

 
 
 
 

Carly: Okay. I'm going to change gears a little bit, and I'm going to talk about the “finding homes” part of the process, which is tough because you're making legit hundreds of decisions about this.

I know that we had family and friends involved in finding new homes for items that were especially important to you and your husband. Do you want to talk about a little bit about that finding new homes process?

Michelle: Yeah, that was a really big part of it. I love this question. I love being able to talk about it and share. For us, I had a whole library of bible school books, and then personal growth books and all the things that were really important to Jim as he grew as an individual. So we found a local college that was interested in adding those to their library, and it was so meaningful that the legacy of my husband gets to live on, in a library of a training ground, raising up the next generation to do something that he deeply believed in.

So that was one example. There were other things that certain friends and family wanted, whether they be physical things — he had a number of guy friends, really close guy friends that, given he was in the construction field for so many years he had multiple — I’m not talking screwdrivers, he had hundreds and hundreds of those. But I'm talking drills and multiple different higher-end pieces and machinery that quite frankly, I have no business using. If I have a need for somebody to use that in my home, I will most likely need to hire that because I don't have the skill set and I do not know safely how to use some of those things.

Again, just keeping them around because they were something that was useful and that Jim had used either here in the house or outside didn't make sense. So I really thought through some of those really important things as well as the higher ticket items, who would really value them, and who they would be meaningful to.

So I can think of his — I think it's a skill saw. I think that's what we call it, but that's a big item, a really big item. And for example, that went to one of his best friends who happened to be a man that Jim was an intern for orally in his life, who also does construction, hobbying, and work for his own family and others, and what a joy that was for him to get that.

He had a number of friends who came by — I think one day you were there, Carly — who went through all the tools I wasn't going to keep. I kept some because I hang a picture here and there, and I do some things around the house. It's great to have your basic tool set here for my use to have at the house.

But the day a number of his friends came by and we just had it all out and they got to build toolboxes for themselves of Jim's items and how meaningful that was for them as well. It was an emotional day. I think that was one of the days I laid on the ground and cried after everybody left. 

It was emotional while they were here. Emotional for them, emotional for me. Because relationships are just out, they're very emotional and they're very connected. So some things we donated to organizations, some things we gave to friends and family that would really appreciate and honor.

And then some things we kept for ourselves that we knew would be important for us to have and continue to have here. You certainly were very resourceful about figuring out items that could go to Habitat for Humanity Store and other stores. So outside of our immediate circle or organizations, we were directly connected to what was next — levels within the community to donate to, which was really part of his heart and who he was. I can’t think of too much that we actually sold. I know that's a path for a lot of people, that you want to try to recoup some dollars behind things that you had in your possession. For us, that was going to be extra work for me to list it and price it, and have to follow up.

I think Carly, you asked, “Do you want to have a garage sale?” and these things are so much work. So I would say from the money you'll make you really have to look at if that's going to be worth it. And again, I'd much rather have people we love and respect in organizations I admire within our community to have the benefit of having the items that were my husband's that no longer would have a place.

Carly: Yeah, absolutely. And, I know we probably talked about this a year ago too, but with the garage sale, this is just, an aside to anyone at home. Not always worth it, guys! Not always worth it. I know people who've made hundreds of dollars at a garage sale. I know people who have lost money at garage sales because they hire assistance for it and then didn't make a dime. And so it can be a real toss-up, and if you have more time than money, it can be a great idea. If you have more money than time, then it might be worth it to think about. As you said, benefiting other organizations in your local community and just letting go of it. Because if your time is super precious, then, it can take a lot of effort.

Michelle: That's right. That's right. And your emotional resources, right? Do you need to be sitting for eight hours, 10 hours, you know? Doing it all, setting up the tables, getting up at the crack of dawn, putting everything out there? I mean, that’s time and resources that you can be using to make your space better and using your own labor to do that as well.

Carly: Yeah, absolutely.

Now that we're almost a year out… How are you using your garage and how does it work?

Michelle: We are using the garage the very same way. I'm really protective of it, which is great. I think about you, I think about if I was just to go put a box out there, where does it go and is it going to be useful? And are the items really necessary to keep? And so I have it doesn't probably look quite as pristine as when you left, just because we're at the end of summer and fall, and actually, I'm changing out my closets as we speak.

So I've got some stuff out there that I just need to get back in the bin and up on the shelf before you come back and say hi to me. But for the most part, it looks very much the same. I have kept those protective guardrails around it and really honored the investment I made. Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically, and financially.

I’m not going to undo a really necessary and meaningful project in my home. So how do I feel about it? I absolutely love it. I have cute things on the shelves over my washer and dryer. So as I'm out there pulling down the detergent pot and putting it in the washer, I look up and see that it's not all cluttered with a bunch of stuff I don't need to keep and have out there. So it feels great. I love it!

Carly: I love it so much.

If someone is in your shoes from a year ago and looking to start the process of updating a space in their home after the passing of a loved one, what advice would you have for them?

Michelle: Goodness. The advice I would have is to know that it's the right time for you. Don't rush it, but it's never going to feel like, “Oh, this is something I'm so looking forward to doing”. I would probably say I was excited after talking to you originally and getting it on the path, feeling a little nervous about it and thinking, “Okay, great”. And then probably our first appointment that you actually came on site was probably two or four weeks after that because you're so busy, which is great. So it was sled out and if I'm being honest, I think I probably thought, my goodness, I should text Carly and let her know I have a stomach ache today. Maybe she couldn't, shouldn't come today because today's not a good day.

Because it's really never something you really want to do because if you know it's going to be a lot of work, you know there's going to be emotion attached to it. And quite frankly, honestly, you've been through a lot. And be kind to yourself and be gracious to yourself, but also think about it as — this is something you're doing for yourself and it's important, and that investment is going to serve you in the long run.

So wait enough time and follow your gut on it, but then also push yourself, push yourself along a little bit. Nothing really hard and worthwhile is promised to go really easy, but I can say this was so well worth it. And like I said, just one of the best things I did and honestly, Carly, we haven't talked just because you're busy, I’m busy.

It's really ushered along a number of other things that I needed to do in my home and in my yard and in my space that once I got through that and realized, I could make it through a really hard thing like this. I can do this. Then it ushered along — I had the shed in the backyard torn down into a new one, rebuilt the shed, and it had all of my husband's stuff that he used in the outdoor space.

So, we tore it down, it needed to come down. Tore it down, rebuilt it, and put it in a different space in the yard. Again, I went through a number of his items that were out there, figured out what I was going to keep, and things that were either going to be donated or sold or given to local gardeners that are, or working in our community as well. So it really was a precursor to doing some other things that have been really important for my space, my home, and my journey moving forward.

Carly: Oh my gosh, that's amazing. I love the snowball effect of decluttering and getting organized. Because once you start flexing that muscle, you're like, Okay, I can do this. Michelle, where can folks find you?

Michelle: A really embarrassingly, easy-to-find Instagram and Facebook. Just my name, Michelle Fortik. So you can follow along, and see all that I'm doing. I show fun pictures of the home and my journeys and travels, and really what the blessing of life has been as I've moved forward in what I'm calling Michelle 2.0. And we'll just see what that leads to!

Carly: Thank you. Thank you so much for being here today, Michelle, and for sharing your journey, for sharing your heart and your story. I know that it's an emotional topic and I really appreciate you being here.

Michelle: Thank you. Thanks for the opportunity. I feel like this is all part of my journey. So thanks for the opportunity and thanks for the conversation!

Carly: Thank you for tuning in today. If you want to learn more about how I can help you, head to tidyrevival.com to learn more about how I work with people one on one or in the Clutter-Free Home Process course community. If you enjoy this episode, please be sure to subscribe so you'll always have access to the latest episode.

We would also love to hear your takeaways. Feel free to tag us @tidyrevivall on Facebook or TikTok. The Tidy Revival podcast is written and hosted by me, Carly Adams, and is edited by Brittany McLean. Title Song Maverick is by Dresden The Flamingo.

And until next time, remember that….

 
 
 

Links mentioned in this episode

 
 
Tidy Revival Podcast, Decluttering, OrganizationCarly AdamsTidy RevivalDecluttering, grief