Ep 15 - Updating Your Space Through Grief: Featuring Michelle Fortik- Part 1

 

This week on the podcast I sat down with Michelle Fortik, a client I worked with late last year to revamp her garage following the passing of her husband. We talk about the process of recreating this space for her needs, and my hope is that it can be a resource for others going through the same thing.

You can listen right here, on Apple Podcasts, or you can read the transcription below. Enjoy!

 
 
 
 

Carly: Welcome, welcome! I am so excited to bring you this conversation. Before we jump into it, I have to share that this client project was the inspiration for this podcast as Michelle had offered to connect about her experience we had and share it with others on the blog or “on a podcast”. She said it kind of in passing, which was so sweet, but it really planted a seed for me about how many people have these experiences that can feel so isolating at the time, and that is what led to this podcast. So I wanna say first: thank you Michelle for your inspiration and for coming on the show today. And before we jump into the questions, I'm gonna let you know a little bit about Michelle.

Carly: Michelle Fortik is a California native. She moved to Sacramento for college where she earned her Bachelor of Science degree from Cal State University Sacramento in Business Administration with a Marketing concentration. Michelle's professional background includes 25 years of marketing leadership in the healthcare and nonprofit industries. She was married to her late husband, Jim, for 26 and a half years. He's her college sweetheart and the love of her life. She is mom to the joy of her life, her high school senior daughter, and a bonus mom to three grown young men. Family is absolutely everything to Michelle, and faith is at the center of her world.

She enjoys travel, exploring new places, and making new life memories with her daughter, Ava Lu. Each day she truly sees as a gift, and while travel is a passion of hers, home is truly where her heart is, where she pours her creativity and talents into decorating, beautifying spaces, and transforming her yard into her very own Eden. Thank you so much for being here today, Michelle.

Michelle: Thank you, Carly. How fun to sit down and have a conversation with you. And I’m just so touched that my conversation really sparked this amazing work that you're doing now in sharing my own story as well as stories of others that have really delved into transforming their spaces and making their spaces more livable and meaningful and usable to them, quite frankly. So, super proud of you and so happy to be here. Thank you.

Carly: And it really was - I know we talked before we hit record about how it wasn't a big thing you said, you know, it wasn't like: “Hey, you should start a podcast about this specifically”, but it really was this little kernel that planted a seed in my head. And even in the beginning, I was like, “Oh, well maybe I should do like a blog series or something”. But it totally transformed into the podcast and even though we ended up working together almost a year ago now, I am so excited that this is what it transformed into, So yeah, we started working together almost a year ago and it was for a specific project and I'm gonna let you take it away and share about your project and what brought you to connect with me about it.

Share about your project and what brought you to connect with me about it.

Michelle: Sure. So we live in a 1960s Cottage Ranch style home, and if you know anything about that era and style of home, you know that every storage space and area really matters. Closets are small and not plentiful in our home and our garage. Space is really an important utility, utility area, and space for us for sure.

My goal has always been to bring kind of the right mix of aesthetics and beauty along with livability and function to our home. It's really important to me that a home is a place where I wanna be and a place that my family and friends also want to be. So when I reached out to you last year in 2021, I was really in need of major cleaning out and organizing our garage so that it could continue to be a place that was usable.

That was a place that brought angst when I walked out there to do my laundry. Other project areas out there - I have off-season clothing, decorating items, et cetera. So I'm out in that space very regularly and I really, it really was in need of attention. I reached out to you to see if you would be game to come alongside and help me do what I needed to do.

Carly: Yeah. And it ended up being a bigger project than I think even you and I had originally envisioned because as we went along, our plans changed a little bit. 

I'll kind of go back… I know when we first connected, you described your garage as your husband's domain. This was really his space for hobbies, studying, and more. And at the time, he had passed on before we started working together. And there had been a fair amount of time… I know it wasn't easy for you to make the decision to move forward in updating, this space. And before we dig into the kind of the emotional aspect, would you mind going into kind of the logistical changes that we made in the garage?

Michelle: Absolutely. So yeah, our homes, whether we wanna, believe it or not, literally and figuratively really have our fingerprints all over them. And so whether it be from fixing it up or having personal touches, spending time in there, bringing modernization to it, they're there.

And the garage was an area where while I did laundry and a variety of things out there, that space literally had the fingerprints of my husband all over it, quite frankly. And he had passed away a year and a half prior. It was in pristine condition when he passed away. He did spend a lot of time out there.

It was the space, which is what you touched on… He was in construction, kind of a dual-purpose man - in construction management as well as ministry. So it was his area. Study and his library of books - a wall of books and very organized bookshelves, as well as a desk, a lot of tools, and an area of function and work along with his other love of fishing.

So he had a lot of his fishing gear out there - a lot. His fishing poles hung perfectly and all the tackle was organized just so, so that was all out there. I did not have the heart to touch it for a year/year and a half for sure. After he passed away, it was the Covid (timeframe) pandemic.

It was (also) so much emotion tied to leaving things as they were and really still wanting him here, quite frankly, on an everyday basis and with our family. So I wasn't - I didn't really touch it, but at the same time I was starting to move forward in areas of having to make that space my own and one area that I needed to function well for me.

So I just started adding things into the space and then it became walls of boxes and things that had just been put out there that needed to get out of the house without his touch of organizing and finding the right place within all the other components that were in the mix that he really used as the main function of the space.

So I was ready and I needed to really address it because what was taking place was, as I shared with you earlier (the prior question) was that I'm really fueled aesthetically and by things that are beautiful and bring value to me as I look around and see them and the space. Not only were his fingerprints a reminder that he was no longer there doing the very meaningful things that he did for so many years in that space, it also became a place of clutter and non-function for me and caused angst. So it was double angst - grief and loss, and memories and longing for the person that used to be out there as well as: “oh my gosh, this space is so disorganized”.

I hate walking out here to have to do laundry, to go out to the spare refrigerator to get beverages and snacks for family. I do not wanna walk out and get things / decorations out and bring them into my home to make that a happy place. It was really starting to infringe on what I needed to use the space for as well as how was making me feel every time I walked out there.

So it was truly time. It wasn't something I thought about it for probably, goodness, probably two to three months before I reached out to you. Like, will I be ready? Because I knew it wasn't. Hiring someone like you to help me come organize where the boxes would go to really make it work. I was going to have to touch and move and clean out and clear out and figure out what was going to take place in moving Jim’s stuff a lot along with that.

Carly: Yeah. It's a lot because it's logistics and it's emotional. And then we ended up, I know this is kind of off script from the questions that I sent you, but I know that we ended up making a lot of cosmetic changes along the way. You decided as we were clearing out, there's a number of shelving solutions that were in place, but then the decision has to be made like, “okay, is it staying, is it going?” And some of them are functional, but didn't necessarily have the aesthetic that you were hoping to have moving forward. And you used to have like wooden shelving on the left side of the garage…

Michelle: Yes, you're absolutely right. There was shelving out there and they were functional for what my husband was using, and quite frankly, he leveraged the shelving and a lot of the areas - the tool bench that was out there when we purchased the home 18 years ago - yep. He leveraged them and made them work for his space, and built around it, so to speak. And that worked really well. And he's a man, he could move things around and put boxes in the rafters and all that sort of thing. The shelves as they were, both the bookshelves as well as the shelves on the left hand side, really all around the garage, quite frankly, down the middle, et cetera - that was not going to be what was most useful for me in the way that I was going to be using the space moving forward. 

So of course, if we were gonna have to take that down and do something different, we really figured out what was going to be aesthetically pleasing and functional for me in a garage.

Carly: You (also) refinished it, which for me is actually the most exciting part, because you and I live fairly close together and I have a similar layout in my garage, but I'm like the “pre” garage - it's not finished yet. And when you finished yours, I was like “ooh, okay, I need to put this on my list”. This is like a total game changer.

Michelle: Yes, I did. I hired a team to come in and refinish the walls, put some insulation in there, and then refinish off the walls and paint the walls in the garage. It's not, per se, a room in my house. It doesn't have the feel of a living room by any means, but it feels very clean, feels finished off.

It feels much more “Michelle” and functional for sure. It's an investment to your…you know, there's a reason you haven't done it yet. There's a reason I hadn't done it earlier with my husband. First of all, you pull everything out to do it. So we were gonna tear stuff down. We were gonna do that. So I thought, if we're gonna do that with my work with you and Tidy, Revival, let's go ahead and just clean this up. Let's make it finished up. Now is the time to do it before we start to load and put everything back in that is going to remain and make it functional. Let's just do it. And to your point, it was one of the best decisions I made. 

It just really cleaned off the space, made a blank palette, quite frankly, for us to figure out now what was going to go where and what organizational structures and pieces we brought in. 

Carly: Yeah. And I know that there are photos with this, I'm sure we will talk about that to go along with the post

(here you go!)

 

Before photos of Michelle’s garage

 

We took out the old shelving, we added in new closed cabinets, new open industrial shelving, a workbench, and a peg board… we added in a lot. And then a new rack for your clothing that needed to be hang-dried. Yeah, we really just reinvented…

Michelle: The space. We did. It's great. I have shelves over the washer and dryer that serve as, utility, but they also kind of have the look that I like and can store extra vases that are usable. I mean, my goodness, Carly, how many vases did I have that we got rid of? Had a lot of vases up there before. Now there are not that many, I think there are two. But to put the things that are gonna be easy to reach, whether it be my laundry detergent and all the items there that I use on a daily basis, as well as some of the other things I would just reach for quickly to use to bring into the house. So yes, the whole thing is different and I couldn't be more pleased. It really was one of the best things I've done as I have taken the (steps) to move forward in life.

Carly's heard me say it, it's not about moving on when you carry the person that you love so much and that was your person in life. You don't move on from them, but you move forward in life with what life is going to look like. So it's really one of the best things I did for myself, but definitely, I would say one of the most physically strenuous, mentally strenuous, emotionally strenuous, and spiritually strenuous things I've ever done. It really was a job in every area of my life. But it's been well worth it.

Carly: And to touch on that, I know that it wasn’t easy by any means to move forward with the actual updating of the space, and I know that the answer to what I'm gonna ask next is gonna be different for everyone, but can you share a bit about how you reached the decision that it was time for you?

Can you share a bit about how you reached the decision that it was time for you?

Michelle: How to reach the decision… You know, I had done a lot of healing. A lot of deep emotional, spiritual, and mental healing work up to that point for the first year after losing my husband, to be healthy for myself, to be healthy for my daughter, to be healthy for my family and my friends, and all the other relationships. It just felt like it was the next natural step of another thing to be addressed. Because there are so many things that you have to address when you lose someone.

I mean, the immediate things you need to address are of course... what to do with making closure and celebrating that person and memorializing and all the logistics that are involved in that, and gathering friends and family around to honor and celebrate - you just have so much that you need to deal with.

And then it's - “what does life look like” and how do you move on in the early days and really the months, and we live in a society that.. you know, folks really want you to move on quickly. We want to move on quickly. That's why we have an aspirin cabinet. That's why we have something that'll help us with a headache.

We want to fix what is ailing us and kind of move on and get back to life. But for us, for me, and for most everyone that's in my space, whether you've lost, you know, a spouse or someone else that's very dear to you - things just really don't happen as quickly as we would like them to be.

But I had just done so much work in other areas that it just felt like this was the natural next thing to address. Mainly because of all the work I had done on myself and with our family, et cetera. I needed to start to really utilize the garage space or access the garage space and the things that were out there as I moved forward, again, whether it be decor for the holidays, whether it be the off-season items to pull in for a picnic or to go to the beach or to do the regular every day chores out there.

It was really impeding my ability for those things to find joy and to bring joy to my life. You're already feeling like: “how am I going to do all of these things without the person in my life? How are you gonna face Christmas? How are you gonna go on that first beach vacation when you all sat underneath the beach umbrella that you're about to pull down from the shelves?”

You're already dealing with all of those things. But if you're having to climb over boxes, and it's just something that's actually sucking the life out of you to get out there to do it, because the space is hard to navigate. You're adding to the challenge of actually moving forward in life and experiencing the new memories and the new moments in your life because… life goes on for you and there's a great life to be lived within yourself and others.

 
 

Michelle: So I found that it was really challenging to be able to access and kind of move into a space of moving forward each time I'd have to go out there to access something. 

Carly: Absolutely. Ugh, I, I really appreciate you talking about this because this is something that comes up so, so much in the work that organizers do and you're not alone. But as I mentioned at the top, it can feel really, really isolating as you're going through it. So I just wanna say again, I appreciate it.

Michelle: Yeah, no, it can, and I will - you didn't ask me to say this - It's nowhere in the questions by any means, but that's where I really find that you know, sometimes it's really important to bring someone in that's not as emotionally attached to all of this, to really come alongside and add them to your team for this season.

And that's what I did with you. And you stepped (in) so gracious Carly, so honoring, so respectful, but yet the right organization and structure and project management of what needed to take place to keep things going. But so honoring and respectful. It was great because there were moments of emotion you experienced with myself, with my mother-in-law, and with my daughter, who came out to go through things. It's so emotional, and to have someone who's actually at the helm saying: “Okay, today we're going to do X, Y, and Z, or, what are we gonna do? Or Is this a donation pile or is this a keep? Or is somebody in the family going to take this?”

To have someone added to the team that isn't emotionally attached to those items, or the family is really, really powerful and is really a gift that people should consider doing for themselves because you're not gonna lash out at each other, or you're not gonna take on the heat of the words or the emotion behind the words if you're coming in just to be part of the team. So that was really, really, really important. And one of the wisest things I did… I didn't have the foresight to do it by any means. I just knew I needed help, but I had no idea the gift it would be to myself, my mother-in-law, my daughter, and our family for you to come in and do this work. I mean, quite frankly, my mother-in-law and I are good at organizing. We're good at transforming spaces. I don't mean that in any way other than we can do it on our own - but (this time) we couldn't do it on our own. 

It was just so important to have you or someone with your skill set, an outside person, but the right fit for our project. Quite frankly, I talked to a couple of other people as I was, you know, as I was looking for a person, I talked to others and they're all amazing people that do what you do. But it's also really important, I can't underscore this - really important to find the right fit for you for a project like this.

I wouldn't say only a project that has grief attached and loss attached to it, but any type of organization and going through stuff because you have no idea what you're getting into and how attached you are, and the emotions that are gonna come forward. So you're inviting someone into the most intimate spots of your life and spaces of your life.

Carly: And I have to say it, this type of work is when you really do feel as an organizer like it is such an honor to be let in for those moments because it is so emotionally charged and you end up really intimately knowing somebody who you never get the chance to meet. And it's a really weird feeling to like, know and respect and be honored to be a part of this person's life who you just never get the chance to actually connect with them, physically, but it is very, very emotional and I appreciate you having me as part of that process.

Michelle: Well I thank you. For sure. I know that getting to know you - I don't know you well, but getting to know you a bit, I have no doubt that you walked away with emotion on some days because you're a feeling individual and you have emotions and that it’s only natural that you probably walked away feeling the emotional load of some of it, quite frankly, I'm sure.

Some of those days were quite emotionally loaded. I remember there were two days after, and I don't know if it was exactly after you left - one day for sure, I recall, but maybe another day. You gave me my homework assignment, so weeks in between, et cetera. And I had spent time off there and quite frankly, I just laid on the carpet - I'm grateful my husband had invested in nice indoor outdoor carpet that's out there in the garage that remains. So that's really special. After we cleaned everything up, I just lay on the floor. I really had a good cry. Really unloaded and unleashed all the exhaustion my physical body and mental and spiritual and emotional body had taken on that day.

Carly: And that's part of the process too. I think it's a really emotional part of the process. That's why I carry tissues in my kit because they come in handy regularly as we go into these difficult types of places with clients.

Michelle and I ended up talking a bit longer on this episode, and we decided to make it a two-parter. So stay tuned. Next week, we'll bring you the second half of this conversation.

If you enjoyed this episode, please be sure to subscribe so you'll always have access to the latest episode. We also love to hear your takeaways. Feel free to tag us @tidyrevival on Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok.

The Tidy Revival podcast is written and hosted by me, Carly Adams, and it's edited by Brittany McLean. Title Song, Maverick, is by Dresden The Flamingo.

and until next time, remember that…

 
 
 

Links mentioned in this episode

 
 
Tidy Revival Podcast, Decluttering, OrganizationCarly AdamsTidy RevivalDecluttering, grief